We all do things that are "wrong" every day? Even without trying or possibly noticing.

Since you notice that somebody is doing something that you judge to be wrong, then it must fairly significant.

Example 1. I get an e-mail from a company asking me to write, to oversimplify things, a kind of recommendation for a longtime friend of mine. Based on the questions, the thing is likely to take (and ended up taking) half an hour. I have three days' notice to complete it.

Meanwhile, my friend hasn't called me in at least six months to even chat, let alone tell me that this is coming. (I was the last to initiate contact between us.) I'm ticked off that I'm expected to give my time toward this when he's giving no time to our friendship.

I felt like blowing the thing off, felt like telling my friend I couldn't do it, felt like telling my friend I wouldn't do it. But I did it today, and haven't spoken to him about it.

Hey, it worked in days gone by...

Alternatively, I think it's something that does merit mentioning. Your friend put you in an unfair position - not necessarily one that is overly burdensome, but unfair nonetheless. I think it's the sort of situation where he should be made to understand, in gentle phrasings of course, that while you're happy to help him out (which you did do, by completing his recommendation), it's better for the both of you if he lets you know about such things in advance (it's up to your discretion whether you wish to discuss with him his chosing you as a reference despite no contact for a half year).

Ever.

I guess my opinion isn't valuable.

I have two friends that I've known since third grade. We don't speak for months, but I wouldn't hesitate to help them out with something like this. I'd also get on the phone and chide them for not giving a heads-up. It's a very comfortable relationship. We know each other's faults and never pass up an opportunity to remind each other of them.

Well, like I said before, there's always the hands thing.

Then write it in your will that this person can't come to your funeral if you predecease him.

I don't think its "harmless" what your friend did, because clearly it has made you question how he views you. I'm probably on the same page as #16.

/ searches for will /

But, barring a good, hard grudge (which you've already ruined by doing the favor), you sort of have to let it go. There's no way to bring it up without its seeming petty, because people who do things like this tend (to a one) to be hypersensitive about having any fault seen in it.

This isn't the first time his sense of entitlement has irritated you, right? Gratitude is the highest human emotion. Well, second highest--nothing beats vengeance.

I probably would've called the guy before writing the letter. "Hey, I just got this on very little notice... anything particular you want me to say? Call me because I need to know before I send this out. Oh, and it will be good to hear from you."

You can still follow up with a phone call now, Jon. You can say, "I just sent out the letter and I hope it works out. Let me know what happens because it'll be good to hear from you."

It's frustating and I'm sorry you're going through it. I hope it works out for the best.

So, among guys, you have to lighten it up a little bit. Cover up the hurt just a tad with some feigned anger. Just act annoyed, but in a light sort of way, and say, "What?! You don't contact me for months, and you expect a favor from me? Okay, I'll do it this time, but you owe me big." Just convey the hurt/annoyance with the tone, and he should get the message, and you've got something off your chest. Plus, you come off as the big man by still doing the favor, and not being petty.

If a similar situation arises again, then you ignore the request, and he'll know why. It's up to him to right the imbalance he's created in the universe.

Not likely, perhaps. But entirely possible. In which case, it's not the poor guy's fault.

I know the feeling when an old friend just isn't putting in the effort to maintain the friendship. Hardly puts you in the mood to give of your valuable time. But stewing about it only hurts you -- it doesn't bother him none...

On the other hand, I've had companies pull a resume submitted 10 months ago and call me up. Still at some point he should have let you know that it might be a possibility.

Example: someone cuts you off in a dangerous swerve. You have no relationship with this person, but giving him/her the finger can't make anything good come out of it, since he/she did this without caring to begin with and is most likely just going to flip you off right back, so you'll both be unhappy. (Or, more likely, he/she is on the phone and won't notice your long, ugly finger).

In your specific case:
Since you have a friendship to think about, you need to consider what good can come out of saying anything. Possibilities:
1) Use it as an opportunity to deepen the friendship: ("hey, I wrote you this recommendation which surprised me. Tell me what's up in your life these days, and by the way, I'd prefer the heads-up next time!")
2) Use it as an opportunity to put the friendship on notice: ("hey, jerkwad. Don't you know better than to list someone as a reference without telling them first? I don't know what you're looking for and haven't spoken to you in six months, so how am I supposed to react? You better think first about being my friend and second about using me...")
3) Use it as an opportunity to distance yourself from someone with boorish behavior: don't write the recommendation, don't call him, and pretend, the next time he talks to you, to vaguely remember 'getting an email about something...'