Baseball Toaster was unplugged on February 4, 2009.
Jon's other site:
Screen Jam
TV and more ...
1) using profanity or any euphemisms for profanity
2) personally attacking other commenters
3) baiting other commenters
4) arguing for the sake of arguing
5) discussing politics
6) using hyperbole when something less will suffice
7) using sarcasm in a way that can be misinterpreted negatively
8) making the same point over and over again
9) typing "no-hitter" or "perfect game" to describe either in progress
10) being annoyed by the existence of this list
11) commenting under the obvious influence
12) claiming your opinion isn't allowed when it's just being disagreed with
Not everyone can be Kobe, but here's my story ...
Our living room has no furniture; it hasn't since we bought our house 18 months ago. With two itty-bitty children, it didn't really make sense to build a salon in a room best used as a play area, and anyway, once we moved in, we didn't have much money left to go that route.
This didn't stop my wife last year from dropping hints the size of Stonehenge about her "push present." (Guys, if you don't know what that is, I'm not gonna be the one to break it to you.) After weeks of unseemly negotiations, I gave in to her desires but extracted an Andre Ethier-like concession, meaningful to me if perhaps no one else. On a wall in our living room, despite it being the first thing that other moms, dignitaries or the paparazzi would see upon crossing our threshold, I would be allowed to hang a Nerf basketball hoop.
The living room is actually almost as perfect a setup for a modest Nerf halfcourt as you could want. A loft, housing our little home office, hangs over the room, and the hoop is installed low on the front of the overhang, about eight feet off the ground. It's a good height to make dunks challenging but not too challenging, and it also means that you can run through your layup or dunk into the empty space under the overhang, instead of banging into a wall like Pete Reiser.
The floor is hardwood, probably installed around the time that Kareem was bringing home the Lakers' first NBA championship won in Boston Garden. And thanks to the lack of furniture, if you can avoid the toys here, there and everywhere, there is ample room for all kinds of outside shots.
Saturday night, guarded from in front by a children's play tent and from above by the sloping roof of the house, using the same small, tattered Nerf basketball I played with in my childhood room in Woodland Hills when Magic did his Game 6 1980 tour de force in Philadelphia, on my second try ever from this distance, I swished a shot from 18 feet. And exulted. The whole family was in the room at the time; none of them saw it, none of them appreciated it. Eventually, my wife smiled one of those "My husband's a little boy - maybe too much of a little boy, but I'll go with it" smiles. All this happened, and my arms were still up in the air in triumph for another 5 or 10 seconds. Eighteen feet at home - that's gotta be like double on a real court.
Had they given it any thought, no one would have thought I could do it. But that wouldn't have phased me. Why, it was only six hours earlier that for the first time, I took my 1-year-old and 3-year-old to a UCLA basketball game at Pauley Pavilion, which wouldn't have been the least bit noteworthy except that I did it solo, while my wife worked. For 48 hours leading up to the event, she, my parents and anyone else who knew me revealed their true lack of faith in my fatherly abilities, puzzled that I would even attempt such a quest and pessimistic about its success.
I have to admit, their doomsday fears started to get to me, especially after the kids had a meltdown while teeth were being brushed two hours before gametime. I had thoughts of calling the experiment off. But I wanted to see if I could do it.
As it turned out, it went fine. Now, you have to understand that I never intended to stay the whole game, because it started at 12:45 p.m. and naps needed to begin back home by 2 or 2:30. So, the fact that we made it to our seats before the National Anthem, that my daughter enjoyed the players and the cheerleaders and that my son even watched in between the squirms of a kid who just wants to run everywhere, was another triumph, allowing me to leave with head held high even though there were still more than nine minutes to go in the first half.
Sunday brought a similar victory. If the last one seemed modest, this one will, too - but you have to understand that my wife and I were both born with some serious laziness and paranoia in our DNA, the combination of which often makes us shy away from the unfamiliar or untested, however much we want to assay it. Nevertheless, we made it down south of Pico Boulevard to the beach, where we rented bicycles with baby seats and rode for nearly an hour with the kids strapped in behind us. We had fun, and no one got hurt (although there were a couple of slippery enough moments to keep us humble).
All in all, a good weekend, one that allows me to greet an otherwise unwanted Monday morning with more pleasure than pain. It comes almost as a footnote that I have begun to freelance for SI.com, a semi-fulfillment of a dream I had two decades ago. Back in college, I had set my career goal as being a columnist for Sports Illustrated, the magazine. And while this isn't that, while this isn't 81 points in a game, while it might not even be an 18-foot Nerf swish, it's somewhat rewarding for me, and I hope you don't mind the egotism of me pointing it out. (Thanks are also due to SI freelancer Alex Belth of Bronx Banter, who endorsed me to our now mutual editor.)
If nothing else, my first piece itself should be of some interest. It's an early look at whether the National League West can regain its self-esteem in 2006; feel free to comment about it below. (And I guess it's worth noting that I'm no longer the Phantom of the Opera, my visage hidden from view in the bowels of the Internet.)
If none of this is to your taste, well, there's always NATPE.
Seriously, that's a pretty big deal. Congratulations, Jon. (Now, can you do something about the three issues I haven't gotten?) ;)
(It occurs to me that if someone were to develop a new media-related board game on the lines of Monopoly, my first sentence would fit on one of the squares, along with the instructions to "Collect $50."
Your stories of triumph with the nerf basketball bring back some great memories. Some of my brother and I's (that sounds wrong) most hardfought brotherly rivalries (and best memories) came on the nerf basketball "court."
By the way, I had to look up what a "push present" was. That doesn't look like much fun.
And next time I'm in LA, I hereby challenge you to a game of Nerf H-O-R-S-E. If they ever have a world championship for shooting at a 7-foot-high Nerfhoop under an 8-foot ceiling, I think I could contend. It may be my single most advanced athletic skill.
BTW, my favorite line from the article (appropriately describing the 2005 LADs):
"Practically eating themselves alive like some deranged underworld beast"
Congrats on the new gig! It's about time mainstream media starting recognizing talents like yours, and bring new, fresh perspectives to the same ol' online fluff. I'll be an avid reader - thanks for all you do!
So, have they gone to any Dodger games yet?
Here's hoping this cup of coffee turns into a regular big league gig.
As for your trip to Pauley, it reminds me of my son's first trip to DS. He was 5 months old, bouncing around and having a great time. But every time the applause got loud, he just broke down. It scared the hell out of him. And this was Piazza's first weekend in DS as a Met, so the applause was loud and often.
Anyway, great piece Jon. Congrats on the gig, and the 18-foot swish. You want no part of me in a game or Horse, though. ;)
If "push presents" were a tradition in Utah, the entire state would be bankrupt.
Congrats Jon, on all aspects of this post (if the nerf shot thing is actually true; if it isn't, congrats only on the true stuff).
14 - Dagwich, are you a Collier alum in disguise?
15 - Loud music over the speakers is by far the scariest aspect of ballgames for the kids.
Coincidentally, I just order The Best of Dodger Thoughts... I finally finished Bruce Feiler's 'Walking the Bible'. Great book. I didn't want to start yours until I finished that one. That time has finally arrived and I can't wait to read your book.
20 - Thanks to you and others who taken the opportunity to buy the book.
And I commend your bravery on taking the kids to the basketball game. I, myself, would not take my singular, non-plural, near-two-year-old kid to any sporting event that did not afford her ample opportunity to run around, so your daring deeds of toddler entertainment in a somewhat physically restrictive setting are exceptionally impressive to me.
How you ever got your wife to concede to that Nerf hoop in the living room is beyond me...I'll have to call you in for my next "negotiation session". Would a box seat to the game of your choice be a reasonable fee?
Once again, congrats.
I score big points with the wife with this one. It is easier now that they are year older and the two oldest can swim enough to be trusted in water that is shallower than they are tall.
Also, we like going to Coors Field as a family, but there are spontaneous moments when I want to go to a game and I'll let my wife off the hook and take the kiddos. Yeah, they squirm a lot but the promise of 7th Inning Stretch ice cream gives them something to look forward to.
Colletti describes Little as a "street-smart manager who grew up in the country."
I describe myself as an "avenue-smart librarian who grew up in the suburbs."
And since we're waxing nostaligic about playing Nerfball as kids...
... Can I have Dodger Thoughts when you move out? :-)
-- Terry Austin
Your nerf basketball story reminded me of my own misspent youth. Since I'm about 20 years older than you, I don't remember having nerf stuff back in the late 50s. I first got interested in NBA basketball in 1957 (same year as I became a Dodger fan) after my uncle took me to a Knicks game at the old Madison Square Garden which was on 48th street and 8th Ave.. I immediately became a rabid Knicks fan and made a cardboard basket which I scotch-taped to top of the door-jam in our living room. I used a pair of rolled-up socks for a ball, and ran around in my boxer shorts and a "wife-beater" undershirt on which I had written "Knicks" in crayon.
It was great fun for a kid on those gray winter days in New Jersey. The Knicks of the late 50s and early 60s were just as bad as they are now, but I loved them anyway.
Loved the article. How often can we expect these pieces?
"nerf" is also a drag racing term for bumping another car.
"nerf" also is a very old word meaning tendon (sort of like "nerve") but has disappeared from the English language after the 17th century.
So speaketh the Oxford English Dictionary.
Also, as a fellow homeowner, I hope you survived the windstorm last night better than I did. A 100-foot section of fence blew down in my back yard. I'm now in the insurance death spiral :)
I really hate to think that I've been wasting all my time working for the lord of manor.
Having perenially been subjected to the same parental "doomsday fears", I really appreciate (and have shared) your feelings of triumph for your adventures with your kids.
What are the majority of your articles going to be about? Are there any restrictions or limitations to your body of work? Or are you free to comment on anything you like at anytime? As I do with any new venture, I hope and your wife take the time for a well earned celebratory night out.
I read that Danys Baez will be a free agent after this season. Doesn't he have one more year of team controlled arbitration eligibility left?
--Andrew S., Los Angeles
At the end of the 2006 season, Baez will have five years and 102 days of Major League service. Under ordinary circumstances, he would not qualify for free agency. However, after being released by Cleveland following the 2003 season, without even enough service time to qualify for arbitration he signed an unusual free agent contract with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays that guaranteed him $6 million for two years with a club option for 2006 at $4 million. The contract also allowed Baez to declare free agency after the 2006 season if the Devil Rays picked up the option, which they did. So, unless the Dodgers agree to an extension, Baez will be a free agent after the season.
Andrew S.?
THE Andrew S.
Wow!
Congrats on the SI accomplishment. I only hope this leads to bigger opportunities for you. There are certain things that we cannot wait for our children to experience along with us. For me, it was taking my two to their first Dodger game last summer. As long as your expectations of your kids are in check, don't let anyone discourage you from enjoying those "Proud Dad Moments." That is what it is all about. Lastly, I don't know what is more surprising, the fact that you still have your original Nerf hoop or that your wife allows you to hang it. I bought one for my son, not realizing that our doors were taller than regulation. Needless to say, it wasn't as fun as I remember. If you need any other vintage toys to go along with your Nerf hoop, I do have my original Atari 2600 in the box with all games and Coleco football game.
Congratulations Jon, and good luck!
37 - Hey Bob, does the OED list "nerf herder," circa 1980?
Can we start a Nerf basketball league in your house?
Regarding kids' first games and planned early departures, there's the risk that the game is a meaningful one. I decided that a great birthday present for my one year old twins would be attending their first Dodger afternoon game back on July 28, 1991. My wife gamely agreed to participate... anything to see other adults. We lasted for 75 minutes when both twins started to stir. One big problem. Dennis Martinez was perfect through four! We were out of the stadium at the end of the sixth, before full meltdown arrived. My disbelief that I could walk out early on baseball history was offset by realizing my family had two new true Dodger fans, upset and tearful as a perfect game unfolded against their team.
I was at a Phillies/Dodgers night game last season and, in the primo seats directly in front of me, were a thirtysomething couple and their two young children. Looked like Norman Rockwell for a moment, but then it turned sad. Dad SO clearly wanted to share his love of baseball with the kids, but the cotton candy ran out before the National Anthem was over, and the little ones turned squirmy. Mom wanted to leave immediately, but Dad insisted on seeing at least part of the game. And he did. He saw exactly one at-bat, and then they packed up and took off.
Suffice to say, I moved down to their seats.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,99962,00.html or http://tinyurl.com/qx74
--They got to see the whole game
--We all still love baseball
I may not have connected all the dots on other unintended consequences, however...
I should issue some membership cards, though, like "Reader since 2003."
1. played in confined space, like brother's bedroom or basement (Jon's new regulation size court would be a good test for this theory)
2. relative impossiblity of dribbling/finesse game makes going strong to the bucket/defending said bucket of premium importance
3. played primarily against siblings.
Good luck on the new gig, Jon. I hope this isn't the beginning of the end for DT. I think I go pretty far back on that "reader since . . " list.
And nice job on the si.com thing too.
The photo's good, but I'm afraid to me you'll always be the guy at Spring Training in the big big shades and the faded Camden Yards T.
My (not nearly so impressive) parenting ballgame achievement was when I woke up one Monday morning and saw that the Dodgers were in Philadelphia for a day game that day and ended up getting a front row single seat and taking my 10 month old -- on the train to Philly, to the subway to the game, and then back after, with a nap mixed in. And now he can say he's been to the Vet. And even heard booing!
Also there is a dearth of qualified referees for Nerf basketball.
It's one of the few non-structured games kids get to play today. It's not like you have to schedule time for Nerf basketball after school.
63 - It isn't the beginning of the end for DT. I'm not sure it's even the end of the beginning.
Thanks, Mr. Churchill.
What if they're all tied for last?
I think "Becker" is akin to dropping an f-bomb.
My idealogical purity is unsullied. Unsullied, I tells ya.
Apparently, I was the only person who could see through the devilish disguise Ken Gurnick gave you.
Like Guamanian papers.
Or propaganda from Cuba.
and it runs from right to left.
He would be Bea Arthur's dentures.
"[Izzy's] injury is somewhat different in that it is a side effect of an arthritic condition on the opposite side of the elbow. Compensating for the pain from the arthritis, Izturis put undue strain on the ligament and it stretched out of shape. Because of the arthritis component, and because arthritis is generally permanent, it is not clear to what degree Izturis will recover."
I sure didn't know that.
Has anyone found a source for infant Dodger caps? The MLB site has a pretty cool onesie and romper and pretty lame beanie here: http://tinyurl.com/dmvgp, but I want a Dodger cap (or alternatively, a cool (i.e. Dodger Blue) beanie) for my little guy to wear to Dodger games up here in SF (he will be 6 mos. when the Dodgers make their first trip to SBC.
Not even Giants fans would dare to give a 6-month-old hell for wearing Dodger blue, will they???
Great piece Jon, and congratulations on landing the SI giglet.
Finally, a theory that explains the Baez trade.
France is next.
TONS of info you can link to here: http://tinyurl.com/8stmk
Stan from Tacoma
66 Well, it was an impressive trip when it occurred, but I've since learned that the second kid requires squaring the chaos and complexity, not merely doubling. So hats still off to your Pauley trip.
In Canada, the Liberals are red and the Conservatives are blue.
And up is down and black is white.
The last Conservative PM was Kim Campbell, back in 1993. If you blinked, you would have missed her. But that was back when the party was called the Progressive Conservative Party. When Campbell stood for election, the Progressive Conservatives got wiped out. Literally. They lost so many seats that the party disappeared.
The present Conservative Party is a bit different.
But you would have been grateful that you blinked.
It's really hard to say "Newfoundland" in a Canadian accent. The accent is on "land".
Granted it's a smaller country than the U.S., but there's something to be said for at least getting an answer in short order.
Ahh, the soothing voice of Peter Mansbridge!
All for the best. I would hate for DT to get into a heated debate between NDPers and BQers.
Say hello to new Canadian PM: Steven Harper, who will head a minority government.
Now I can go watch a rerun of "The Rockford Files".
Looks like the Libs are closing the gap. Only an eight seat spread, now.
54, 80 I fully understand the cotton candy experience. I've taken my five year old a couple times to watch the Dodgers at Shea Stadium. The longest stay so far has been thru the fifth inning, and that was only because the wandering Cotton Candy Man took five innings to get to us. My son finished it in half an inning.
No homespun sayings. No histrionics. He's just smooth and professional. He's ... Canadian.
As someone who only knows you from the Toaster, I pictured you as a pretty cautious guy. Man was I wrong. You are a Freaking madman. Taking 2 babies to a basketball game by yourself. I have a 2 year old daughter and just taking her to the grocery store is a major accomplishment. I'm guessing that your 2 children could have played better defense on West Virgina than UCLA did in the time you were at the game.
Well, we found really nice kiddo LA beanies at the Kids Footlocker at some obscure mall in South Denver... and they were only $5. Correct Dodger blue and all. My wife bought 3 of them on the spot. Of course the comparable Rockies beanies were like $10... I'm sure glad we're not Rockies fans.
http://tinyurl.com/b97yf
They don't get very far in politics. But they are happy with tonight's results.
I married a girl from Iowa. Thankfully, she had no idea what a push present was.
59. Will our membership card get us a discount at Motel 6.
83. A friend went to a breakfast last week where Ned was speaking to a group of real estate people, amung the things he had to say:
Doesn't know if Izzy will ever be able to play shortstop again. Looking like the 2b of the future.
Paid more than he wanted for Furcal but he would rather pay too much for a player he wants than get one he doesn't on the cheap. My buddy took this as a shot at the Drew deal. Although Ned acknowledged that Drew was key to the season, he did not seem too keen on him.
Hated to give up Tiffany. Didn't care about getting rid of EJ.
No interest in Benji. He is very high on Russ Martin. More so than any other prospect. Those present thought Dioner was on borrowed time.
I was watching 24 on fox and each commercial break there would be a plugin for Bones with the guy from buffy the vampire slayer, anyhow at the end of the plug he and the shows main character are driving through what I assume to be beverly hills, the main character keeps insisting to drive stating that she knows how to drive very well, at this time Angel from buffy turns to her while he is driving and says what I assume is supposed to be a witty retort "OKAY Rainman!" cue laughter. This would normaly make me laugh had it been the correct movie. Scent of a woman is the movie I believe the idiot writers were thinking of. Anyhow end rant.
(Sorry if "turd" violates the profanity rule. But for me Cruise = Becker on steroids)
On a related note, 24 was semi-boring tonight until the end when there were a lot of fireworks. Can't wait for next week's episode!
This in no way detracts from Jon's great accomplishment in getting hitched with si-dot-com. That's really cool and amazing how your blog has both blossomed and brought you happy new things. Inspirational! Congratulations.
As for push presents, I guess I didn't have to get one since my wife did c-sections, although if I had been around for our daughter being born I would have had to owe her a big one since she did 12 hours of labor followed by an emergency c-section with no anesthesia (at least that's what she says).
129 That reminds me of my favorite video store promotion. A store in Pasadena had a big banner on it's facade back in the early-mid 90's that said "Scent of a Woman guaranteed to be here". That cracked me up and I pictured a bunch of guys just milling about the store.
You need to check that recorder now! Or millions of people will die!
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