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1) using profanity or any euphemisms for profanity
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Dodger Fan Fiction
2007-10-13 12:20
by Jon Weisman

Open chat continues in the thread below this one.

You know those stories where people take turn writing one sentence at a time? How about a baseball game?

I'll write the first line, and people can take turns adding to it. The only rule: You have to wait for someone else to write before you add another sentence. If two people publish simultaneous and/or contradictory events, we'll just have to reconcile them somehow.

I'll start:

It's time for Dodger baseball, with the Los Angeles Dodgers taking on the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the final game of the 2008 World Series.

Comments (110)
Show/Hide Comments 1-50
2007-10-13 12:32:23
1.   Eric Enders
After Chad Billingsley's complete game, 6-1 victory in Game Six, the Dodgers will turn to rookie sensation Clayton Kershaw, who they hope can give them at least six good innings in tonight's matchup against Jered Weaver.
2007-10-13 12:42:12
2.   be2ween
Both pitchers are a little ragged after lengthy Divisional and League Championship Series. The Dodgers tangled with the Brewers and repeating Rockies - the Halos beat the Yankees (as usual) and the Tigers narrowly.
2007-10-13 12:42:25
3.   Linkmeister
Today's game is a rematch of Game Two's starters, which Weaver won 3-2 on Dodger-killer Garrett Anderson's two-run home run in the eighth inning.
2007-10-13 12:42:49
4.   Disabled List
Will Alex Rodriguez finally be able to have a breakout game for the Angels against Kershaw? Arte Moreno didn't sign him to a $400 million contract for his 0-for-24 line so far in the World Series.
2007-10-13 12:44:12
5.   bhsportsguy
If the game needed extra drama, longtime Dodger broadcasting icon, Vin Scully announced after Game 6, that tonight would be his last broadcast.
2007-10-13 12:45:13
6.   silverwidow
Dodger CF Torii Hunter, who robbed a potential A-Rod homer Game 6, looks to improve on his average post season thus far.
2007-10-13 12:47:15
7.   Jon Weisman
Fox pregame analyst Jon Weisman was floored by Scully's retirement announcement, the biggest in the city since John Wooden's in 1975.
2007-10-13 12:48:42
8.   D4P
Dodger second baseman and Angel designated hitter Barry Bonds will sit out tonight's game as a result of a suspension stemming from their altercation in Game 6. Kent will be replaced by Neifi Perez, Bonds by Matt Kemp.
2007-10-13 12:49:41
9.   be2ween
And Joe Girardi's surprise hire in the off-season has sparked a bit of fire not seen around the Ravine in a long time. His 'presence' has brought a commitment from the players that seemed to be missing in the last couple of decades.
2007-10-13 12:50:53
10.   Eric Enders
Tonight the Dodgers will send out a lineup from which two players are conspicuously absent: Andre Ethier, one of the team's three .300 hitters, and Rookie of the Year candidate Andy LaRoche, who hit 24 homers in just 380 at bats while splitting time with Nomar Garciaparra.

SS Rafael Furcal
C Russell Martin
1B James Loney
2B Jeff Kent
RF Matt Kemp
LF Moises Alou
3B Nomar Garciaparra
CF Juan Pierre
P Clayton Kershaw

2007-10-13 12:52:34
11.   Bob Timmermann
Tonight's national anthem will be sung by Danica McKellar accompanied by her new group, the Secants.
2007-10-13 12:54:09
12.   Jon Weisman
So, late word that the Kent suspension has been appealed, and he will play.
2007-10-13 12:55:52
13.   Eric Enders
Weisman appeared on tonight's pre-game show sporting a split lip, reportedly suffered when colleague Kevin Kennedy sucker-punched him off camera after Weisman mocked Kennedy's tendency to draw attention to his former managerial career.
2007-10-13 12:57:46
14.   Bob Timmermann
Tonight's AT&T Fan of the Game Text Message Poll: Which team do you think will win Game 7, text A for the Angels, text B for the Dodgers, text C for someone else.
2007-10-13 13:00:21
15.   D4P
Ms. McKellar chose her new group based on a competition, which the Secants won over the Cosines.
2007-10-13 13:02:48
16.   Eric Enders
After an uneventful first inning here in Anaheim, Matt Kemp leads off the top of the second with a triple to the right field corner. With two outs, though, the game turns ugly. Juan Pierre, attempting to bunt for a hit, fouls the bunt straight back into his own face. Pierre has to be helped off the field and groundskeepers work frantically to clean up the small pool of blood left behind in the left-handed batter's box.
2007-10-13 13:02:49
17.   Bob Timmermann
The Air Force has announced that they have used up their supply of fighter planes for flyovers before the game, but does have a C-130 transport plane fueled up and ready to make a dramatic entrance.
2007-10-13 13:10:09
18.   Linkmeister
The Osprey had originally been scheduled, but it broke down.
2007-10-13 13:10:17
19.   Bob Timmermann
Coming up in November on Fox: the 2008 Presidential Election, followed immediately by a sneak peek at what's coming up this year on "American Idol." Simon Cowell and Brit Hume will co-host.
2007-10-13 13:10:53
20.   robocop
It's always interesting to see a Matt Kemp on each team's roster. Boy, the Angels sure hit paydirt in the last amateur draft selecting High School phenom Matt Kemp out of Upper Buffalo High School and getting him to the majors after just 100 at bats in Rookie League. The Dodgers Matt Kemp isn't a slouch himself becoming the first Dodger player ever to go 40-40
2007-10-13 13:10:54
21.   screwballin
Kent gets the Dodgers on the board with a home run to deep left, after fouling a strike-two pitch into a sushi platter in the new All-You-Can-Eat Loge section.
2007-10-13 13:15:02
22.   Jon Weisman
Wow, that first inning went by fast, didn't it?
2007-10-13 13:17:16
23.   Bob Timmermann
Both Weaver and Kershaw are working quickly and throwing strikes.
2007-10-13 13:17:44
24.   screwballin
And Kent completes a rare two-fer, calling out the new Matt Kemp for not exhibiting the professional approach exemplified by the first Matt Kemp.
2007-10-13 13:17:50
25.   Eric Enders
The Loge section here at Anaheim Stadium (or whatever they're calling it this week) has really caught on, with the Angels using the marketing slogan "The All-You-Can-Eat section with food you want to eat." Unlike the AM/PM pavilion at Dodger Stadium, every type of food served at the ballpark is available under the all-you-can-eat plan. Tickets for the section cost $110 apiece.
2007-10-13 13:18:51
26.   fawnkyj
After having stranded Kemp at third with Nomar swinging hard but hitting a dribbler to the pitcher, Alou hitting a foul pitch off first base and Pierre inexplicably trying to hit for the fences, the Dodgers missed a huge scoring opportunity in the last inning, but Kent's blast would not be denied. 1-0 dodgers.
2007-10-13 13:21:38
27.   robocop
Although the Angels beat Clayton in game 2, they really still have a hard time hitting the young man now having struck out 22 times in the 10 innings they have faced him. In fact, the 87 K's for Angel hitters in this World Series has set a new MLB playoff record. The fact the Angels have made it to a game 7 is a miracle having gotten here with a .203 team batting avg, and only 53 homeruns on the season, 45 of those from a even more pumped up Barry Bonds. I guess it is a testiment to good pitching.
2007-10-13 13:22:21
28.   Eric Enders
Upon further review, that appears to be Delwyn Young who swung for the fences after pinch hitting for the injured and barely conscious Pierre.
2007-10-13 13:23:01
29.   screwballin
As Kent rounds third base in his homerun trot, he pumps his fist and bellows "GONZO FOREVER."
2007-10-13 13:25:31
30.   fawnkyj
Gonzo is apparently in the booth as a guest analyst and chokes up a bit after Kent's yell.
2007-10-13 13:27:18
31.   Eric Enders
Kent's declaration is not, as some might believe, a tribute to Devil Rays designated hitter Luis Gonzalez, but actually a salute to Kent's favorite author, the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson. In tribute to Thompson, Kent has taken to answering every dumb question from reporters with the reply, "You'll have to ask my attorney."
2007-10-13 13:28:50
32.   Sam DC
The Dodgers extend their lead to 2-0 in the top of the third, when Angels catcher Paul LoDuca stunningly loads the bases on three straight catcher's interferences, followed by a Weaver wild pitch that landed in the press box and appears to have knocked LA Times columnist Joe Posnanski unconscious.

A tallish fan in a funky Rodin t-shirt appears to have fainted in the right field corner, and action on the field has paused for a moment.

Hard to thin a 2 run lead will hold up for long here . . .

2007-10-13 13:28:52
33.   Bob Timmermann
"You're risking a patient's life!"
2007-10-13 13:35:30
34.   KevinP78
And we're back. It turns out the "tallish fan" holding up the game was Milton Bradley. Still bitter from a dissapointing and injury plagued season with the Padres, it's believed he faked a faint to delay the game to show just how relevant he remains in Major League Baseball.
2007-10-13 13:39:44
35.   fawnkyj
Kershaw continues to pitch well. Strikes out the first 2 batter he faces in the inning. Cabrera comes up to bat with Vlad in the on deck circle. Cabrera singles past a "diving" Kent to right field. The no hitter is broken up. Vlad comes up to bat while Cabrera dances off the first base bag.
2007-10-13 13:40:43
36.   D4P
Cabrera singles past a "diving" Kent to right field

McCarver: "Neifi would have had that one"

2007-10-13 13:41:03
37.   Bob Timmermann
"This Sunday on Fox, we will be showing you NFL games from cities that aren't from around here, be sure to tune in as Kurt, Terry, Howie, and Jimmy talk a lot. And so Tim McCarver, who do you like for the Super Bowl this year?"
"Can we talk about the World Series?"
"I'm sorry Tim, but that's what my director is telling me to ask you."
2007-10-13 13:41:07
38.   robocop
Bud Selig is in the crowd tonight again looking down, not seemingly watching the game. Worried I guess that Bonds might hit another homerun even though he is currently not playing. I don't understand his angst though since the Mitchell Commission named Bonds as one of the "Nice Guys in Baseball"
2007-10-13 13:45:11
39.   fawnkyj
Its a tense moment in the game Kershaw steely eyed looks into the captains glove for the sign. The 2-1 pitch to Vlad is instead a pick-off throw to first base, Cabrera is nailed at the bag!
2007-10-13 13:48:56
40.   Sam DC
And as Guerrero's game tying home run flies out over the left field pavillion and into the parking lot, let's go down to Erin Andrews talking to Dan Evans, just named Seattle Mariners GM after their 40-122 season and the disastrous trade by ex-GM Bavasi of this years NL MVP Adam Jones to the Washington Nationals for Ronnie belliard.

Evans: "I told you so."

2007-10-13 13:49:34
41.   bhsportsguy
Fox, recalling an old tradition, will have Vin Scully to broadcast the 5th inning.
2007-10-13 13:50:32
42.   Eric Enders
The "D" on Martin's uniform front was obscured by a dirt stain when he slid headfirst into first base in the first inning. However' the captain's "C" on the same side of the jersey remains visible, causing Martin's jersey to read "Codgers."

Apparently this year the Dodgers are wearing the word "Dodgers" on their road uniforms instead of "Los Angeles."

2007-10-13 13:52:14
43.   Sam DC
A home run, that of course tied things in the bottom of the fourth - after the Dodgers escaped trouble with Kershaw's great pick in to bottom of the third, the Dodgers put up 3 more runs in the top of the fourth, and the Angels batted around in the bottom of the fourth.

Five all going to the fifth. Both sp's still ib the game, but hanging on by two threads.

2007-10-13 13:54:19
44.   Sam DC
A home run, that of course tied things in the bottom of the fourth - after the Dodgers escaped trouble with Kershaw's great pick in to bottom of the third, the Dodgers put up 3 more runs in the top of the fourth, and the Angels batted around in the bottom of the fourth.

Five all going to the fifth. Both sp's still ib the game, but hanging on by two threads.

2007-10-13 13:55:00
45.   Sam DC
A home run, that of course tied things in the bottom of the fourth - after the Dodgers escaped trouble with Kershaw's great pick in to bottom of the third, the Dodgers put up 3 more runs in the top of the fourth, and the Angels batted around in the bottom of the fourth.

Five all going to the fifth. Both sp's still ib the game, but hanging on by two threads.

2007-10-13 13:56:26
46.   bhsportsguy
Scully's first words are "Tim, I have been waiting a long time to say this, will you please just shut up."
2007-10-13 13:57:50
47.   KevinP78
LaRoche leads off the 5th with a double, splitting the left center gap. Matthews, Jr. fires the ball in and misses his cut off. Keenly, LaRoche takes 3rd! This may prove to be a pivotal turning point here in game 7! Let's go down to Kevin Kennedy to get his take, Kevin?
2007-10-13 13:58:06
48.   Sam DC
Killian is lying to you.

Ok - technical difficulties appear to have passed.

2007-10-13 14:07:01
49.   Eric Enders
Joe Buck: "We welcome broadcasting legend Vin Scully to the booth to call this inning with us. It's an honor, Vin."

Vin: "Thanks, Joe. You know, it's a real thrill for me to be ---"

Joe: Don't miss the new series debuting next week on FOX, the Bundimpsons, starring Dan Castelanetta and Ed O'Neill. In a revolutionary new concept, two of the most successful shows in FOX history have been combined into one, as Al Bundy and Homer Simpson enter into a domestic partnership, Brady Bunch-style. Tune in to see what happens between Kelly and Bart!"

Vin: And as Kershaw continues to tire, Scott Proctor begins warming up in the bullpen.

McCarver: Former Yankee Scott Proctor, you mean.

Vin: Well, yes, and---

Joe: Proctor played with some of the greatest players in Yankees history, like Derek Jeter.

Tim: And Jorge Posada.

Joe: Andy Pettitte, Robinson Cano.

Vin: So here's Casey Kotchman at the plate. This year Kotchman batted--

Joe: Yes, he batted against Mariano Rivera. Four times this year. And struck out twice! Also hit a walk-off home run.

Tim: You know who else Kotchman batted against? Joba Chamberlain! And Phil Hughes.

Vin: And with everybody available in Game 7, look who's warming up in the bullpen for the Dodgers: Derek Lowe! Lowe went 14-9 this year with---

Tim: With nowhere near the success he had with the Boston Red Sox. He won 20 games there, you know. Pitched a no-hitter too.

2007-10-13 14:07:56
50.   Sam DC
Kevin: "I may have my issues, but don't come down to me when you' got Vin Scully in the booth.

"Mr. Scully, back up to you."

Show/Hide Comments 51-100
2007-10-13 14:15:58
51.   Sam DC
Most folks were surprised when James Loney entered the booth and forcibly removed all broadcasters other than Scully, saying only "show some respect," but not his most loyal fans.

Erin Andrews had founf a guy wearing a Loney jersey in fact, but she and Mr. Purcell seem to have disappeared.

2007-10-13 14:17:32
52.   bhsportsguy
Vin: Why there's UCLA coaching legend, John Wooden sitting in Angel owner and now chairman of Angel Baseball Network, Arte Moreno's box. John, bless his heart, just celebrated his 98th birthday.

Tim: The Yankees have won 23 World Series in his lifetime.

2007-10-13 14:18:20
53.   dzzrtRatt
Joe: "Enjoying the game from a seat near the first-base dugout, the new star of Fox's perennial hit, '24,' Rainn Wilson, replacing the imprisoned Keifer Sutherland."

Tim: "Who will ever forget Rainn Wilson's last episode of 'The Office' when lovers Jim and Angela tricked Dwight into having himself cryogenically frozen?"

2007-10-13 14:20:05
54.   Ricardo
Vin: "What a great season for James Loney, the first man since Ted Williams to reach the .400 mark".
2007-10-13 14:26:32
55.   bhsportsguy
Joe: Instead of the traditional singing of "Take Me Out to The Ballgame," MLB has asked for a moment of silence as we show tape of the wrecking ball knocking down Old Yankee Stadium. Tim, any last comments?

Tim: I'm a little choked up right now, be back after a word from Jeannie.

2007-10-13 14:31:07
56.   underdog
"Frank TV, moving to Fox in November..."
"Now back to the game."
"Delwyn Young up to bat, a replacement for Juan Pierre who has the words 'Spalding' impressed on his face. And Young hits the first pitch high, and deep to left, a-waaay back goes the centerfielder! And he's got it on the edge of the infield. One out."
"Hey, who let Charlie Steiner in here??"
2007-10-13 14:39:24
57.   KG16
Tied at 5, the Dodgers decide to pinch hit for Kershaw (despite his 12 home runs this season), and go with Andre Ethier. Ethier, despite splitting time with Pierre and Hunter in center and left, managed to hit .340, with 25 homeruns and 85 RBI. On the first pitch, Weaver hangs a curve ball that Ethier takes the other way and breaks a window on the 10th floor of the office building outside left field here at Angel Stadium of Anaheim.
2007-10-13 14:57:54
58.   Bob Timmermann
"And look, you can see out in the parking lot here that the fans are already leaving."
"I think that's an ambulance, Joe."
"Well, a Cardinals fan would have waited until the game was over to call 911."
"Maybe the person was unconscious."
"That's no excuse, Tim."
2007-10-13 14:59:12
59.   Daniel Zappala
Joe Buck: "With all this talk about the Yankees, I just realized I forgot to give our audience the lineup for the Angels tonight. Looking back over my scorecard, they've got:

Orlando Cabrera - SS
Gary Matthews, Jr. - CF
Vladimir Guerrero - RF
Barry Bonds - DH
A-Rod - 3B
Garrett Anderson - LF
Casey Kotchman - 1B
Matt Kemp - 2B
Paul LoDuca - C

That this team managed to hit only .203 this season is incredible."

Vin Scully: "Well, Joe, the reason they won so many games is because they had a .472 OBP, since Guerrero, Bonds, and A-Rod got walked every time up. On top of that, the Angels hit a snappy .450 with the bases loaded, and .025 the rest of the time."

2007-10-13 15:01:58
60.   KG16
Tim: they have been very good at getting productive outs this year, too.

Joe: Yes, yes they have.

Vin: I'm sorry, I know I said I was done after this game, but I can't bear to leave baseball to hacks like you guys, I will keep calling games until the good Lord calls me home.

2007-10-13 15:10:34
61.   NorCal-Dodger
Vin: Since, rescinding my retirement, and happier than ever, I will excuse Messers Buck and Carver from this booth, and carry the rest of the game simulcast on radio and T.V.

And the 7th game of the World Series is brought to you by "Farmer John" Easternmost in Quality, Westernmost in Taste" Now back to the game!

2007-10-13 15:14:33
62.   dzzrtRatt
"Let say a quick hello to the new Fox NFL broadcasting team: Pete Carroll and Karl Dorrell."
2007-10-13 15:17:00
63.   KG16
Following Ethier's pinch hit home run, Weaver is lifted for midseason acquisition Johan Santana, who pitched games 2 and 5 for the Angels. Furcal promptly doubles off the scoreboard in right field.
2007-10-13 15:18:25
64.   Bob Timmermann
Bold move by manager Joe Girardi to not use the DH in an AL park in Game 7. He has the nerves of a riverboat gambler on Ritalin.
2007-10-13 15:22:30
65.   KG16
Kevin Kennedy: We've gotten word that Joe and Tim were not willing to leave the booth peacefully... then in what some are saying was improbable (and others impossible) Kirk Gibson appeared in the booth and used his three world championship rings as brass knuckles to forcibly remove Joe and Tim.

Also, a reminder that the DH was surprisingly ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court during the All Star break.

2007-10-13 15:25:22
66.   dzzrtRatt
Arte Moreno's "free beer after the 7th inning" plan seems to be having an unexpected effect on the fans. The entire upper deck has fallen asleep.
2007-10-13 15:26:56
67.   Daniel Zappala
Scully: Weaver has walked Furcal, Martin,and Loney to load the bases, then walked Kent to force in a run. It's now 7-5 Dodgers, and Weaver looks about done. Scioscia is at the mound and he calls in Bartolo Colon from the bullpen. What an amazing story he's been this year. After a controversial bionic arm surgery performed by Frank Jobe this offseason, Colon has been lights out, with a 0.01 ERA. He can throw 110 mph, but tires after one inning of work. Looks like Scioscia will bring him in early this game, down 7-5.

Colon into the stretch ... and what's this? Kotchman tags out Kent as he takes his lead! The Angels have pulled the hidden ball trick on Kent and it's worked! I can't believe what I'm watching! Kent rips off his jersey, and he's throwing a tantrum right there on first base! The first base umpire throws him out of the game, and Kent tackles the ump! Both benches empty, the police are out on the field now, and this is not looking pretty.

[ Scully leaves the microphone to the crowd for five minutes ]

Things have finally quieted down here ate Dodger Stadium, and there goes Kent now, the police are leading him away in handcuffs. What a way to end his career with the Dodgers!

2007-10-13 15:28:18
68.   xaphor
The game is interrupted by a Sergeant-Major in full uniform who directs his attention to the camera. "Now, I would just like to point out that this fan-fiction is displaying a distinct tendency to become SILLY. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point! I'm warning this fan-fiction NOT to get SILLY again! Right!"

The Major turns away to resume what appear to be his concession duties. "Larks' tongues. Wrens' livers. Wolf nipple chips. Get 'em while they're hot."

2007-10-13 15:29:53
69.   fawnkyj
The captain comes up to bat with Furcal at second.

Russell Martin as dodger fans know has been the toughest guy on the squad and had fought thru a august slump to hit a cool 330 in the month of september all the while catching all the games in september and in the playoffs.
Santana comes in high and tight under Russ chin.
The chin is a sore area for Russ after he took a beaning in the Brewers series from closer Francisco Cordero before he would eventually score a game winning run on Loney double in that game.

2007-10-13 15:31:58
70.   D4P
Esteban Loaiza warming up in the pen for the Angels.
2007-10-13 15:32:07
71.   Daniel Zappala
Cal Ripken in the studio: A bit of a time warp there. Apparently it was Santana that gave up a double to Furcal and then walked three in a row, before getting pulled for Colon, leading up to Kent's toss. Stupid satellite delay! Back to the game....
2007-10-13 15:32:53
72.   Frip
Vin: "Little nubber up the first base line, boy isn't she cute, just a wee nubby nubby with her fuzzy wubby wubby."
2007-10-13 15:32:59
73.   NorCal-Dodger
Quite a Game 7 we're having as we alternate stadiums inning by inning from Chavez Ravine of Los Angeles to the confines of Anaheim of Los Angeles. AS the CHP escorts are doing a fine job clearing the 5 freeway .
2007-10-13 15:37:20
74.   Sam DC
Vin: Going back to Guerrero's homer, it turns out, that was the first home run hit over the left field pavillion here at Anaheim Stadium of Anaheim. Folks were worried of course, about how the new left field would play, but after changing the team name and then of course after changing team colors to Blue and White, it was not too great a surprise when Arte Moreno tore out left field of the Big Ed and built a low pavillion with a zig zag roof.

It is amazing however, that Kent's rampage took described up above took him all the way up to Chavez ravine before the cops could get ahold of him, but we've learned never to underestimate a motorcycle man.

2007-10-13 15:38:38
75.   KG16
With Kent out, Hu comes in to play second.
2007-10-13 15:41:40
76.   Linkmeister
{Edited for continuity}

Global Search and Replace: "Dodger Stadium" with "The Big A."

{End continuity editing}

2007-10-13 15:43:44
77.   D4P
Loaiza threw 104 innings for the Dodgers this year with an ERA of 5.80, and 27.1 innings for the Angels with an ERA of 4.61
2007-10-13 15:50:10
78.   dzzrtRatt
In a shocking development, Kent has successfully shifted the blame for his felonious outburst onto Matt Kemp, who has been served with a search warrant for his locker, an adjacent trash can, and his flamboyant shoe collection.
2007-10-13 16:02:24
79.   fawnkyj
Kobe Bryant, former laker and now current clipper, at the game today is sitting on the edge of his seat.

Craig Sager: "Kobe who are you pulling for?"

Kobe: "oh you know me Craig im just pulling for the best team to win."

Sager: "You do know you are wearing a Yankees hat right?"

2007-10-13 16:05:04
80.   underdog
Still 7-5 Dodgers. And that score is brought to you by Fox's latest reality shows, MILF Island and Lord of the Flies, both airing immediately after the game. Back to the game, it appears that Mike Piazza will come in to pinch hit and presumably stay as the new DH. Mike was signed after he was DFA'd by the Padres and then by the Angels, and here he is limping up to the on deck circle, the tattered remains of his knees doing all they can to keep the rest of him upright. And that on deck circle is brought to you by the new Family Guy spin-off...
2007-10-13 16:13:38
81.   xaphor
I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't wait for the sweeps cross over episode.
2007-10-13 16:24:11
82.   dzzrtRatt
Rick Monday takes over the broadcast briefly and suddenly the centerfield scoreboard goes dark.

Play is halted because nobody on the field remembers the score, the inning or who was batting.

A call is put out to Bob Timmerman who is the only person in the entire stadium with an accurate scorecard. Timmerman strides onto the field to confer with the umpires and both managers. Play resumes.

2007-10-13 16:55:47
83.   Daniel Zappala
Mike Piazza grounds into a double play on a 100 mph changeup from Bartolo Colon. Going into the bottom of the 5th, with Vlad Guerrero leading off, 7-5 Dodgers.
2007-10-13 17:14:29
84.   Bob Timmermann
But because Timmermann's handwriting is so poor, Matt Kemp is ruled out of the game and in his place, seldom-used reserve Matt Keno is brought in for the Dodgers. Keno had just 3 ABs all season and was brought up as a pinch runner for the playoffs. Keno stands 5'5" and weighs just 135 lbs.
2007-10-13 17:18:04
85.   KG16
The Dodgers take a different approach in the bottom of the fifth and decide to pitch to the heart of the Angel line up. With Lowe pitching, Vlad gets a base hit on a sinker that was literally 3 mm off the ground, Bonds gets an HBP because his body armor came loose and struck the ball as it crossed over the plate.

Runners on first and second for A-Rod.

2007-10-13 17:30:11
86.   StolenMonkey86
"Scioscia signals for a double steal, and Guerrero and Bonds both run. Martin throws a laser to LaRoche at third, who then makes a brilliant move to throw Bonds out at second. On the next pitch to A-Rod, Lowe leaves one up in the zone and Rodriguez hits it over the fence.

"The home run is still not enough to give the Angels the lead. If only Rodriguez had hit that homerun on that pitchout his home run might have mattered."

2007-10-13 17:45:38
87.   dzzrtRatt
As A-Rod rounds the bases, Scott Boras confers with Frank McCourt, who buys out Rodriguez's contract before he touches home plate for $600 million. Rodriguez heads directly to the Dodger dugout from third base where a new Dodger uniform is waiting for him. Still 7-5.
2007-10-13 17:48:39
88.   KG16
Arte Moreno decides to take matters into his own hands after the A-Rod move. He buys out the contracts of Young, Kemp, and Ethier. All three men move into the Angels line up, Kemp in center for Matthews, Ethier in left of GA, and Young at second for the other Matt Kemp.
2007-10-13 17:52:59
89.   StolenMonkey86
Now A-Rod's homer really doesn't matter.
2007-10-13 17:54:33
90.   dzzrtRatt
Outraged at McCourt's betrayal, Ned Colletti immediately resigns, and runs off to a motel on Katella Ave. for a secret liaison with Jamie. He is shocked to find that Jeff Kent is already there.

Meanwhile, Tommy Lasorda is appointed acting GM and immediately engineers a trade of Jonathan Broxton for Paul Konerko.

2007-10-13 17:58:00
91.   StolenMonkey86
White Sox new GM Ozzie Guillen, who is also still the White Sox manager, demands $20 along with Broxton for the trade. The trade then depends on approval from Bud Selig, who, unfortunately, is asleep because it is after midnight eastern time. So Broxton is still sitting in the Dodger bullpen.
2007-10-13 18:01:26
92.   StolenMonkey86
"Wait, we just heard that the $20 part was actually made up entirely by Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti, and we apologize for using him as a source."
2007-10-13 19:00:01
93.   Gen3Blue
LA and SF agree to pay A-rod 50 million a year not to play for the next ten years, and the players assc. and Boras immediately agree.
2007-10-13 19:00:10
94.   Bob Timmermann
The Angels are warming up pitcher Johnny Wholestaff in the bullpen. Angels GM Bill Stoneman heard that in a Game 7 you had to use a pitcher with that name.

Wholestaff pitched in the independent Northern League and had an ERA of 8.75 and had given up 145 hits in 101 innings pitched.

2007-10-13 19:06:21
95.   xaphor
From the confusion the rally monkey steps out of the dugout to pinch hit carrying a thunderstick over his shoulder. The first pitch is met with a deafening bang with the crowd and players frantically searching for the balls flight only to find the bat had burst on impact and Martin hung on for strike one on the foul tip. Without his lumber the monkey takes the next four pitches for balls as Lowe fails to get one in the simian's tiny strike zone.

Vin exclaims that the Angels now have a monkey loose on the base paths.

2007-10-13 19:08:02
96.   StolenMonkey86
Wholestaff learned a sinkerball and a knuckleball from his mentor Danys Baez.
2007-10-13 19:13:56
97.   Gen3Blue
The monkey accuses Lowe of throwing a banana ball, but there is confusion as to whether this describes the shape of the balls flight, or the practice of rubbing the ball thouroughly with the inside of a banana peel.
2007-10-13 19:25:28
98.   NorCal-Dodger
Lowe get's into a heated argument with Home Plate Umpire Mike Winters, who initiated the argument by telling Lowe to quit rubbing his balls on his banana. Lowe goes jaw-to jaw with Winters and is pulled back away by our new pitching coach Bud Black, and Lowe's arm gets pulled out of his shoulder socket and is lost for the season.

In comes Hendy relieving Lowe, and the monkey mistakens Hendy for a tree and Hendy easily picks off the monkey for an out.

Dick Engberg announcing the game for the Angels goes " Oh My "

2007-10-13 19:26:10
99.   nofatmike
The injury to Pierre is particularly devasting one for Pierre who tested positive for heavy steroid use. Pierre raised heavy suspicions of steroid-use when he managed to hit 3 straight balls completely out of the infield while also managing to complete a throw to second base from shallow-center without using a cut-off man. Pierre ended up being suspended for 50 games and the league gave the Dodgers permission, ending Pierre's pursuit of Cal Ripken's consecutive game streak. Pierre apologized (saying he only wanted to bring legitimacy for his career by being known as something other than a "Jason Grabowski with speed" as Dodger Thoughts posters began calling him last October) and was reinstated by the Dodgers, playing his first game since his suspension in today's World Series game after the Dodgers went 40 and 10 to win the division by a hair.
2007-10-13 19:27:28
100.   nofatmike
Permission to void his contract*
Show/Hide Comments 101-150
2007-10-13 20:23:25
101.   Bob Timmermann
Wholestaff on the mound for the Halos facing Keno, the dimunitive fill-in for Kemp.

Scully decides not to talk and let the crowd speak for itself.

2007-10-13 20:40:54
102.   alnyden
"Kent rounds third, he's going for home. The throw at the plate... he's out! Wait a minute, Garciaparra has also rounded third! He's headed home... and runs right into LaDuca holding the ball! Two runners out at home plate in one play! I can't believe it! I've never seen anything like it! Oh, wait a minute..."
2007-10-13 21:05:29
103.   dzzrtRatt
Up comes Dodger third baseman Mike Lowell. The entire crowd goes across the street to Sizzler and has dinner. As the crowd files back into the stadium two hours later, Lowell completes his 93-pitch at bat by striking out.
2007-10-13 21:21:41
104.   Bumsrap
Time for the 7th inning stretch. An usher is running down to the expensive seats and wakes up Tommy Lasorda and hands him a mike.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the DODGERS,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

2007-10-13 21:53:37
105.   Bill Crain
Rain delay.
2007-10-13 22:22:51
106.   Bob Timmermann
The tarp is off the field, but while we wait for the grounds crew to put the finishing touches on the field, let's go to an interview in the stands from Chris Myers who is talking to the star of Fox's newest comedy hit "Angry Dad Who Yells a Lot," Dane Cook.
2007-10-13 22:46:36
107.   StolenMonkey86
As the interview ends, it appears that Cook pulls something out of his pocket, we can see patches of yellow and white, and he's holding it up to his mouth. Yep, it's a beach ball.
2007-10-14 08:45:08
108.   Sam DC
OK, it's 7-5 Dodgers coming out of the seventh inning stretch. In the bottom of the seventh, Hendrickson walks Willits (playing third now that A-Rod has sat), then topples over fielding a bunt from Ethier (now in left for the Angels after Moreno's raid). Runners at first and second, no outs, short delay while the training staff untwists Hendy and stands him back up.

Kotchman then a lofts a lazy fly to center, but unfortunately for the Dodgers it drops onto the empty grass. Dodgers' second baseman Chin-Lung Hu runs out and picks up the ball, but not until two runs score and Kotchman ends up on third.

Manager Joe Girardi has complained before that the provision of his contract that he can not play anyone in center field other than Juan Pierre could hurt the team, and here in Game 7 with Pierre injured and center field accordingly unmanned, his concerns appear to have been prophetic.

Hendrickson pulled and Girardi goes to ace reliever Takahashi Saito, who has accepted his move to set up man with class and a smile after the Dodgers outbid all other teams, and outbid their own highest offer several times in a row, to bring in legend Mariano Rivera on a four year $60 million dollar deal.

Young nails the first pitch from Saito, but it just tails foul and turns into one of the longest strikes ever seen here at the Big A. A fan in a wicked cool cowboy hat appears to have made a remarkable catch on that ball, which he gallantly handed to the elegant blond seated next to him. Interviewed after the game, Mr. and Mrs. Gay Langland gushed that they were at the game celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary and couldn't be happier.

Back on the field, Saito comes right back at Young and horribly fools him with a soft change, and then gets the K on a hard tailing fastball. Then LoDuca hit a hard liner down the first base line, but as we have grown used to seeing, James Loney simply laid out and snared it four feet into foul territory.

On to the 8th, tie game.

2007-10-14 09:10:25
109.   Sam DC
(Young, of course, being newly acquired Angels second baseman Delwyn Young, another piece of Moreno's raid.)
2007-10-15 01:44:41
110.   Bill Crain
After eight innings and more than 36 hours the game was mercifully ended by Commissioner Selig's ruling that both teams were out of pitchers. It was the first World Series game to result in a tie in nearly twelve months.

Mark Hendrickson protested (to no avail) that he had not yet been asked to warm up.

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